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By Joe Perovich | KFAN Productions Intern

A heave and an “Oh my heavens!”

Well first, let’s start at the beginning.

The Minnesota Vikings, 2-0, drew the San Francisco 49ers in Week 3 of the 2009 NFL season.

The 49ers rang the Metrodome doorbell possessing equal credentials. An identical and unblemished record.

The 2009 season was only a couple weeks old, yet San Francisco had already managed to collect a pair of victories against teams within their division (one of which came on the road versus the soon-to-be 10-6 Arizona Cardinals.) In fact, dating back to the 2008 season, San Francisco entered Week 3 of 2009 with victories in six of their previous seven games.

San Francisco appeared to be living out every coach’s favorite rallying tool: “the spillover effect.” Other definitions: a December winning streak, brought to you by November’s punch line!

The fundamental problem: Isaac Bruce, in his 16th NFL season, started this game. Plugging in remnants of the ‘Greatest Show on Turf’ is not a terrific sign in 2009 (Halftime Entertainment: ‘Az-Zahir Hakim does the Shuttle Run’.) On to the first play of the game.

 

While San Francisco recovered the fumble, the Minnesota Vikings managed to induce chaos from the outset. The disarray sent San Francisco’s offense into a shell for almost a quarter.

In their four 1st quarter drives, the 49ers accumulated 11 total yards, zero first downs, zero drives longer than 1:40, and zero trips past their own 31-yard-line.

And because that definitely sounds like an offense that doesn’t need its best offensive weapon…

 

Minnesota’s starting running back remained healthy for the entire game, but each time a lane began forming it became filled instantaneously by Patrick Willis or Justin Smith.

Through 2013, San Francisco has stymied Adrian Peterson more than any other NFL team. They have held Peterson to a lower YPC (yard per carry) average (3.00 YPC) than any other team. They are also 1-of-2 NFC teams that Adrian Peterson has yet to score a touchdown against.

On-Topic: Percy Harvin darted through the first wave of defenders as if they were the only wave of defenders. Speed kills. Soaring is supernatural. On this play, the rookie was closer to the latter. Tangent: If the beer-drinking rube rotates his label 180 degrees, that’s a Michelob Golden Light commercial.

We all just happen to be on Earth at the same, exact stitch in time. Fortunately and unfortunately, this current stitch in time involves an asinine amount of sports consumerism. I enjoy it thoroughly, but I also know every investment needs a kickback.

This is why we watch.

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